My children delight in finding gifts to give extended family members. When their great aunt adored camel figurines, they would hunt for the quirkiest camels possible. When a younger sibling loved baking, they would gift opportunities to make cookies and cakes together. One year, they even crafted handmade picnic plates for a set of grandparents who did a lot of camping.
Research shows that giving a gift can bring as much or more happiness as receiving one. It helps children feel closer to others and also contributes to their positive identity as someone who recognizes and affirms what others like. It builds self-esteem and reduces narcissism. In fact, like other forms of generous behavior, gifting floods the brain and body with feelings of pleasure.
But learning to be a good gift-giver takes time, modeling, and practice. It requires that children be involved in the gifting process from the early stages, rather than simply tasked with delivering the gift after it is already acquired. The more kids participate in identifying what to give, locating or creating the gift, and sharing it with others, the better they understand that gifts are meant to develop and cement relationships.
Sometimes children assume the best gifts are the most expensive ones. But research says what matters most is that the gift is something the recipient actually wants. Five dollars worth of craft materials can generate a beautiful dish towel or personalized mug that a grandparent cherishes because it reminds them of their grandchild. A fancy chocolate bar might represent a special treat that a neighbor seldom indulges. Encourage children to observe and listen carefully for gift ideas in the days and weeks before a holiday.
The joy of gift-giving also increases when kids imagine how the other person will respond. Prompt children to picture what the recipient will do with their gift. Suggest that they identify the emotions the gift might prompt. Younger children might even playact giving their gift while you pretend to be the person who gladly receives and appreciates it. Or reverse the roles, with you pretending to give the gift and your child imaginatively responding.
With the prevalence of video recording and video chat, consider asking those who receive gifts from your child to record or livestream opening them. Witnessing the joy a gift brings reinforces a child’s desire to repeat the experience in the future. It prompts what psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky calls a “warm glow effect” of positive emotions. Kids realize that being generous feels good and want to experience that feeling again.
Finally, help children slow down and savor the gifts that they receive. Develop a family gift-opening ritual that encourages taking time to acknowledge happiness the gift brings and the thoughtfulness of the giver. Perhaps take turns from youngest to oldest, or open a gift and then pose for a photo. Pause to sing a holiday song periodically or try out a gifted game. Open a few gifts before a festive meal and the rest afterward. By stretching out the process even a little, kids have time to really notice what they’ve received before moving on.
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