Managing Holiday Emotions

“But mom,” wailed my daughter, “I wanted to put the glitter stars on the tree.” She collapses onto the sofa and bursts into tears. Her younger brother responds defensively: “I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” He looks ready to cry too. Suddenly, our fun family weekend putting up Christmas decorations is turning into an emotional meltdown.

Holidays can generate a lot of big emotions. One minute, kids are happy and excited, and the next minute someone is yelling in anger or wailing on the floor. High expectations and idealized memories create pressure that eventually seeks an outlet. As parents and caregivers, we can anticipate these moments and help children regain their equilibrium.

The first step, for both children and parents/caregivers is to remember to breathe. Taking a few deep breaths periodically helps kids (and adults) take a ‘timeout’ from all the excitement. You might call a pause every 30 minutes and take three slow, deep breaths together before returning to your activity. Or simply model taking a couple of deep breaths occasionally as you hang lights, wrap presents, or bake cookies.

Another step is to encourage children to notice signs of stress building in their bodies. Suggest that they conduct a body scan by holding their hands in front of their face and then slowly moving them down their body to their feet while paying attention to feelings of tension in their muscles or heart rate. Ask: How do your neck and shoulders feel? How does your heart feel? How does your stomach [tummy] feel? 

Parents and caregivers can also suggest a grounding practice that helps kids settle themselves. The simplest form involves pressing their feet into the ground and feeling the firmness of the floor or earth beneath themselves. Children can also lie down and press their bodies into the ground to feel how it supports them. Older children might sit with their feet firmly on the ground, their knees bent, and their backs pressing against a wall like they are sitting in a chair.

In addition to these physical check-ins, help children identify and name their emotions. Post an emotions color chart (see Related Resources) and model using colors to name your feelings. Say: I’m feeling orange right now. That means I’m feeling nervous. What color are you feeling right now? Or use an emoji or bitmoji version with faces that convey different emotions and point to the ones that represent your emotions in the moment.

Finally, normalize a wide range of emotions as ‘typical’ and ‘understandable’. Tell children that it is common to experience big emotions around holidays. Explain that celebrations are a kind of ‘good stress’ on their minds and bodies, which can lead to overstimulation and fatigue. Talk about feelings as things they can manage rather than as something outside their control. Then support them as they practice various strategies for navigating their holiday highs and lows.

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