A NeuroSpicy Spiritual Practice for Easing Separations

Separating from a loved one can be particularly distressing for neurodivergent children. They may feel unsafe or struggle to regulate their emotions and behavior without a parent or caregiver nearby. They may be unsure about where their loved one has gone or if they will return. They may worry that the connection between them – however they experience it – has been lost.

As parents and caregivers, we can introduce spiritual practices that support neurodiverse children and reduce their anxiety. Studies show that music and singing increase mental well-being and relational connectedness. Researchers say that singing together actually promotes healthy social bonding between parents and kids. Developing a co-singing practice can help children recognize that their connection to loved ones still exists and can be relied on even when people are physically separated.

Introducing such a practice is fairly simple. Pick a time before you and your child will be separated, either for a few hours or an extended period. If your child is verbal, talk with them about songs that they enjoy singing. (If they are non-verbal, name some songs they seem to enjoy.) They might be whole songs or just choruses. Some examples are Baby Shark, Shake It Off, Let It Be, and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

Together, pick one song that you both like. Tell the child: This will be our special song. When we sing it, hum it, or even think about it, we can imagine being together.

Invite your child to sing the song with you a few times. (With a non-verbal child, invite them to think about the song while you sing it.) Then say: Let’s try singing (thinking about) our song while we are in different rooms. We can sing or hum the song to ourselves and imagine being together. This will remind us of our connection. Then we will come back to the same room and sing the song together again.

Sing or hum (think about) the song in your separate spaces three times. Then return to the place where you started the practice and sing the song together once more.

Use this practice with shorter separations, such as when you go to school and work or engage in other regular activities apart. When a major separation approaches, repeat the original orientation practice again right before the extended separation will occur. Remind your child that they can sing, hum, or even just listen to the song in their head while you are apart. Then, when you reunite, sing the song together to complete the ritual.

If your child finds comfort in physical touch, you might incorporate a self-hug or another form of self-touch to augment your singing or humming. Encourage your child to pick the form and then mirror their action. Remind them that it is their choice whether they include an action (hugging self, putting a hand over their heart, tapping their fingers, stroking their arm) or just use your shared song.