At my daughter’s sixth birthday party, she invited her friends to decorate pots and plant marigolds. I watched as one child carefully drew a design around the pot rim while another used broad strokes to color in the whole bottom half. A third skipped the decorating altogether and grabbed a handful of dirt to begin planting. Each child engaged in the activity in their own way, while ultimately accomplishing the same goal of a potted flower to take home.
Paying close attention to how children work and play helps us understand who they are and how we can help them flourish. It tells us about their interests and skills. It offers information about what they are thinking and feeling. It even provides insight into what they may find challenging or need to explore further before they integrate a new idea into their worldview.
As adults, we may spend a fair amount of time watching kids, but that may not mean we are actually observing them. Being purposeful in our watching means noticing details and analyzing them carefully. This can happen spontaneously, as when we notice children doing something interesting and tune in to their activity. It can also be something we plan to do, with the goal of using the information to help us better facilitate children’s learning.
Careful observation can also involve deciding in advance to focus on particular skills or notice specific behaviors. Perhaps we are wondering how well children are able to negotiate conflict with their peers, explain a spiritual practice to someone else, or notice and address unfairness. We might decide to tune in when we hear raised voices. We could ask kids to provide directions for a practice and take note of how they paraphrase instructions. We can keep track of unfair actions and whether and how children respond.
Paying attention happens in the moment and also during reflection afterward. It is not enough to gather information about children; we also need to make space for thinking about what it might mean. For example, you might observe that some children struggle with managing big emotions. They yell or hit when frustrated. You reflect on what you have seen in detail, noting particular acts or words that trigger their reactions, as well as their facial expressions and how they hold their bodies.
We can use our reflections to help us support children’s socioemotional and spiritual development. We might create a quiet corner with materials that help children calm themselves. We could teach kids to stop what they are doing when they feel their face getting warm and take three deep breaths. We might invite children to draw pictures of fair and unfair actions, then post them around the room to bolster awareness. Or we could introduce new skills because the ones we have been observing in kids are well-established and they are ready for more.
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